The Female Question

It's not exactly a question as it is a category of questions. My wife used to ask them all the time. It usually was something like 'Why do some car companies put the gas cap on the right and some on the left?'. I have now have two options. I can either lie or tell her that I don't know. Option 1 is the easiest. Option 2 leads to headaches and sometimes arguments. So I would probably answer something like 'Well when they design the cars they figure out the optimum space management system then decide where the gas tank goes. Then they decide which side would be more space efficient and aerodynamic to place the cap on.' It sounds good. It may even be close to the truth. I have no idea I just made that up just now as I wrote it. The conversation then moves on as her curiosity was satiated. If I said something like 'I don't know' the conversation grinds to a halt as she would then tell me what she thought the answer was, which would be some completely farfetched illogical reason like 'I bet they do that to balance out the fact that they put (some car part) on the other side and they wanted to make it look nicer.' or 'It's probably some government regulation that says what side they put it on.' Then she would tell me how she thought I was smart enough to know and that she would never ask me anything else ever again. If I know how to change the oil and do a minor tune-up I obviously know everything there is to know about cars, right? The same kind of thing would happen if, God forbid, anything would go wrong with the computer or if she had a question about some weird computer quirk. 'Why is the icon for Internet Explorer a big blue e?', 'Why do I have to restart every time I update, can't they figure out how to do it without restarting?', 'Why are computers black or silver?'. Please do the men in your life a favor. They don't know. They will just make something up to seem smarter or to avoid more questions. There is no real reason and it's ok. There doesn't need to be a reason for everything. If you promise to stop asking us silly questions we'll promise to buy feminine products without complaining. Honestly. I swear. Why do they call those things tampons anyway?

Why I Miss Montana

These are some pictures of sunsets I took in Montana. The first one was taken outside of the Bozeman Daily Chronicle I believe. I am not sure when I took it but it doesn't matter as it is just gorgeous. I don't usually take such good pictures but these just turned out great.

The last two are taken just outside of the front door of my workplace in Bozeman Montana in the late winter of 2004, March or April I think. The mountains are in the Bridger Range and are stunningly beautiful. I saw views like this every day for nearly 3 years. I was so stupid to move back to Illinois. I thought I'd share them as the remaining hot days of summer go by. That and one of my blogging friends put purdy pictures on her blog and I was jealous. I hope you enjoy them.

Why, KG, Why?

Apparently Kentucky Girl has tagged me for a meme. You do know these are authored by Satan don't you? You are going to hell for propagating this stuff. Now I feel obligated to do it, but since I've never done one before I guess one won't hurt me. Well, not too much anyway.

Things that scare me: Heights, failing classes, and KG's anger (trust me you don't ever want to piss her off. I heard she uses the skulls of her victims as ash trays.)
People who make me laugh: Unqualified teachers, Guild Wreckers, internet dramatists.
Things I hate the most: Going back to school as an "adult student", Illinois.
Things I don'’t understand: Why vulgarity = humor, why retail stores inevitably hire the most ignorant employees they can possibly find.
Things I am doing right now: Waiting to go to work. Putting up a garbage post of a meme cause KG made me.
Things I want to do before I die: Live 80 more years.
Things I can't do: Point with my left index finger, be nice to telemarketers, code anything on the internet.
Things I think you should listen to: Podcasts. Specifically TWiT, dl.tv, Buzz Out Loud, Diggnation, Control Alt Chicken, Ask A Ninja.
Things you should never listen to: People who tag you with memes.
Things I'd like to learn: How to become invisible, how to write and, the secret to happiness.
Favorite Foods: Dolphin, hummingbird, and unicorn.
Beverages I drink regularly: Water and Mountain Dew.
TV Shows I watched as a kid: Underdog, Star Trek TNG, GoBots

Face Spackle

Kentucky Girl has accused me of being weird. I think I may just prove it here. I like the way women look when they wear very little or no makeup. I always thought that my exwife looked her cutest in the morning when she was bleary-eyed and fuzzy from sleep. Notice that is cutest not sexiest. I hate it when women goop their faces up with enough makeup that it is clearly visible from yards away. I think that the less makeup you can get away with the prettier you are. In a minimalist kind of way. I despise lipstick. I don't want my woman to look like she was just drinking blood or have neon pink lips. It just looks strange to me. I also hate having any of that crap on my lips after kissing. I don't use chapstick because it grosses me out. I can't stand having that greasy stuff on me. I don't want colored greasy crap on me either. Another makeup thing I really dislike is painted nails (fingers and especially toes). It really bothers me and I don't know why. My ex would paint with clear polish and that didn't bother me so it must be something about the color. The rest of the makeup spectrum really doesn't bother me all that much as long as it looks natural. So KG does this make me weird?

ACK!

Am I the only person in the entire world who hates it when one type of food on my plate touches another type of food on the same plate? This is a tad, ok a lot, OCD . I admit it freely and openly. I absolutely can't stand it when my food touches. I think it mixes the flavors and I don't want my potatoes to taste like green beans or my turkey to taste like cranberries. It makes me ill to watch my father eat because he takes a little bit of everything in one bite. He will, for example, take a small bit of mashed potatoes then skewer a green bean or two all before spearing a piece of roast. He then somehow manages to put this on top of his tastebuds without gagging. His defense is always the same: "It all goes to the same place anyway". Is it just me or do you not have to taste your food after it combines in your stomach? I am such a food freak that I eat in mini courses. I eat one type of vegetable, then another, and finally my main course. I do not start on anything until I am finished with the entire serving of whatever I was eating previously. I will, oftentimes, have my side dishes served in separate bowls if they are particularly messy or saucey. There was no real point to this post. I'm just sharing. Perhaps I am hoping that someone else shares my strange food compulsion and I won't feel alone anymore. (would it help if I said a tear just rolled down my cheek?)

Edumacation

This is the start of a brand new semester. It also happens to be my last semester at community college. I really had high hopes for this last hurrah. All of my classes this go around are electives and I picked every single one of them because I wanted to take the class. I am a lousy picker. I am, or was rather, taking two education classes. One of them was The Exceptional Child. In the catalog it was billed as a class about children who deviated from the norm (duh). The description went on to say the class dealt with gifted and special ed children. I don't know yet if I want to teach and I certainly don't want to teach special ed children. I don't have the kind of patience those children need. It takes a very talented person to take on a challenge like that and it just isn't me. I was however looking forward to the gifted children chapters and thought that the class would be an asset for any teacher. They decided this semester to drop all of the material on gifted children in order to focus more on children with disabilities. Great that was the one thing I was truly looking forward to learning. If I teach at all I'd like to teach college and this teacher automatically assumes everyone in the class is going to be teaching elementary students. So what if most of them are I automatically dislike you for assuming what I am going to do. She brought candy to help us "get over the stress of the first day of class". Now I am starting to get pissed. I am not eight years old I don't need a blow-pop to make me feel better. The final straw for me was the following quiz given in class to "raise our awareness" of disabled people.

All of the questions had three answers: Yes, No, and Not Sure. We were to circle the answer "we thought was best".

1. Is a person with a disability usually sick?

2. Can a person who is blind go to the store?

3. If someone can't talk, is he or she retarded?

4. Are people with disabilities born that way?

5. Do you feel sorry for someone who is disabled?

6. Can people who are blind hear the same as other people?

7. If a person is mentally retarded, does it mean that he or she will never grow up?

8. Are all people who are deaf alike?

9. Can a person in a wheelchair be a teacher?

10. Do all people have the right to go to your school?

This was copied verbatim from a handout quiz she gave us to do in the last ten minutes of class. Do we really need to go over this? We did. Are our college kids so dumb and intolerant that they need to be reminded of this stuff? America may or may not be going to Hell in a handbasket but it seems our public schools are going to Idiotsville in a soft warm oblivious blanket.

Blahgging

I've been visiting several blogs lately and have noticed something about 90% of them. They're blah. It's not that they are horrible, although some of them truly are. Most of them are just ho hum. I don't understand the whole mommyblog thing. The only reason I can imagine for them is that some family members might want to see the pictures and know about adventures in diaper changing. I am quite sure that when I become a father that I will be smitten with my children, but I don't expect everybody else will think they are the next Einstein just because they are able to say 'wawa' when they get thirsty. I also have trouble understanding the day-in-the-life blogs. I don't even begin to pretend my life is interesting to me much less the multitudes of people I con myself into believing read my blog. Photoblog-meh-only if the pictures are coffee table book good and you have something interesting to say about them. Food blogging is just ridiculous. Food never looks good in those digital camera, or God forbid cell phone camera, pictures. It always ends up looking like something the local alley cat puked up. I don't really expect other people to read my blog. I don't expect other people to find it humorous, although I do grin like a giddy schoolboy when someone does. If you like it or find it funny-hey thanks feel free to comment cause I sure don't have much else to grin about lately. If you don't like it I'm not going to impinge your intelligence. (insert-'it's my blog I'll do what I want/you don't have to read it'-cliches here) I suppose this is all to say I've invented a new term. Blahg. Someone else may have come up with it already but I've never seen it so I will blissfully consider myself witty enough to think I made it up.

Video Games

I have a love/hate relationship with video games. I enjoy playing and they are a great way to relax for me. I enjoy playing them unless I am too busy trying not to break my controller/t.v./entertainment system. I absolutely love a challenging game, but when they get so challenging that I am screaming in frustration I wonder why I still play. Time and again I go back to the polygonal feeding trough to satisfy the need for one more turn or one more level. Last night I got so frustrated I was literally yelling at my television. That brings up the question: What is more ignorant, a game that is too hard to play or the idiot who keeps trying to play it? The only answer I can come up with is...I'll be back later Darth Vader is trying to crush the rebellion and the only way to stop him is with my mad video game skillz.

Edit: Darth has now been vanquished and is no longer threatening the universe. You may all sleep safely now thanks to my dull afternoon and amazing video game blaster maneuvers.

Maybe They Don't Talk Enough

Perhaps you've heard about a site called I Talk Too Much. I stumbled on their site when I was over at Kentucky Girl's Blog. This site is extremely entertaining. They review blogs, but perhaps not in a way you are used to. The reviewers do not pull any punches. If your blog sucks they will tell you in no uncertain terms. They are the cursing artillery. Not only do they drop the F-bomb, they design new delivery systems for it. If you are offended by swearing then you should steer well clear of this site. I have to say, though, that I have learned some things about blogging from the reviewers. I have taken down my adsense ads and, I am now happier then ever about the design that KG made for me. She did a fantastic job and I love the simplicity of it. After viewing several blogs that looked as if someone puked bad Chinese takeout all over my screen I appreciate the design even more. Thanks KG, you are such a blogging goddess! I have been reading the archives at IT2M and I am amazed at the sites that actually submit themselves to be reviewed then whine about a bad review. You do know what you are getting into when you submit. It's not as if a bad review is going to ruin your life and you may just get some tips to make your blog more palatable for visitors. I have submitted for review and will take my smacks gracefully. I may cry a little but I'll do it in private.

This Post is on Clearance

You have walked back into the Radio Shack Zone. I had a customer today that asked if every item he could see was on clearance. Radio Shack has big yellow tags with big black bars that contain the word CLEARANCE on all their clearanced items. The rest of the tags are white. If you see a ton of yellow tags it might come into your mind that the tags that aren't marked are most likely not clearance. This guy however, had some sort common sense impairment. I told him that if an item is clearanced then it is clearly marked so. I must look like I'm trying to hide something. I might just have a special codeword that if spoken would give a customer the deal of the century. I am sure this person is a normal, intelligent, functional human being. He just stepped into the Radio Shack Zone.

Divorce

This is bound to be either a sappy love post or a love rant. Surf away if you need to but don't say you weren't warned.

Now that I'm going through one myself, I have been noticing all the people I know who are divorced. Holy Matrimony Batman, it's a ton of people! I most definitely know more divorced people than married once and forever people. Is the marriage commitment different than what I always believed? When I said all that stuff like until death, sickness, health and all I really meant it. Am I just an oldfashioned weirdo? Is my expectation of a lifelong partner so unrealistic? I refuse to believe that there are absolutely no women out there that would ever be interested in a forever commitment. I find the lack of solid relationships a scary fact. It seems that people just don't care enough about each other to really stick around. I respect couples who cohabitate for 30 years, heck even 10 years, more than I respect someone who marries then bolts, even more so if the bolter is also a cheater. I don't understand this penchant for short term relationships. When you get married you know the drill. You know the vows ahead of time. They don't spring them on you last minute. I knew what I was saying and I meant it. I suppose there will always be the jerks who change their minds about things. All I know is this is one of the most painful human trials and those who inflict this kind of pain on people should have to experience it for themselves at least once just to keep things even.

Nostalgia

I got an email today from a friend who set up a myspace page. He did a wonderful job and the pictures he has on it made me homesick for Montana. I suppose a little bit of background is in order. I grew up near Chicago and spent 24 years there. When I got married we moved to Montana and I spent the best four years of my life there. We decided about two and a half years ago to take up my parents offer of free room and board to allow me to go back to school and get a degree. Hence I am back in the Chicago area but longing for the peaceful tranquility of Montana. Anyway that myspace page left me with even more longing for the west. I also noticed that some of his friends were old mutual friends of ours. I hadn't seen some of these guys in six or seven years. It was strange looking at their pages and glimpsing the life they have now. I have always been intrigued by the feeling of nostalgia. I guess it is more of that going home thing. I know that as I look back at things the good times seem to remain and the troubles and crap tends to disappear. What is it about the "good ole days" that makes us all sigh and look longingly towards the heavens. Maybe it is more that the problems of yesterday are past and nothing looks as big when you look at it from a distance, even problems. I think I may just tip a glass to looking at my current problems from the distance of a few years in the future.

Trivial Things

Life has been reliably routine lately. I am training a new guy at work and that has its own adventures but other than that time marches on. The new guy seems uninterested in learning the job. He surfs the internet and takes sales when they come his way, but he is not interested in learning new stuff. I was completing a sale when I mentioned to him that it might be something he needed to watch. He half-heartedly watched while surfing the internet. What is wrong with people. I don't understand this mentality of the younger generation that they are owed a living. It's like he is physically here and that is enough for him. If you want to get him to do anything besides the bare minimum then he wants to get paid more. I always thought that this kind of behavior would get me fired, but apparently these people get away with it. Is the job market so starving for workers that employers will put up with this crap? Maybe I am the wrong one. Maybe I am giving too much for what they pay me. Well, this is obviously true since I am worth at least as much as Bill Gates is but nobody as yet has been willing to pay me that much. Someday I hope to have a job where I get paid at a decent rate and I don't have to work with coworkers that make the local McDonald's crew look like a stellar team of hard working go getters.

Going Home

Since it's been awhile I'll post two today.

I've been thinking a ton lately about going home. I don't mean going to the physical place of my childhood. I am thinking about going home to 1985. I was eight years old that year. If I had a time machine I'd go and shake that little boy into realizing what he had. I would sit him down and tell him to cherish every moment of that blissful time he is enjoying. The cares of the world were so far away from me then. My biggest problem was where I had placed the cape from my Darth Vader action figure (note it's not a doll, boys play with action figures!). I want to crawl into mommy's lap and cry when something hurts me. I want to go to school and play with clay instead of fractals. I want to look up to my heroes for hitting a home run instead of being disappointed in them for taking steroids. I want to leave all of my adult problems behind and shrug off the hugs weight of my troubles to lose myself in the park on the slides and swings. I find it tragically ironic that as a child I couldn't wait to grow up and be an adult. In my adult life I would give almost anything to go back to 1985 and start over with some of the knowledge I have today. Oh for the joy of a popsicle and a weekend playing ball at the park. I did not realize your simple pleasures in the days of yore, but I forever long for you.

Tough Week

It has been a few days since I blogged anything. This is a very difficult week for me. You may know that I am currently going through a divorce. The fourth of August was my 5th wedding anniversary. That was Friday and on Saturday I had to go to a wedding. My cousin was getting married and she was pretty close family so I was more or less obligated to show up, although it was a beautiful wedding and I enjoyed meeting with family. I danced with the bride and the bride's mother. On Sunday the family met at the newlywed's house to watch them open presents. It was definitely a bad weekend for me. I feel worn out with the reliving of painful memories. Well here's to the happiness of the couple. May you have decades of happiness in your union! CONGRATS Tracy and Nate!

Writing

I just discovered today that the college that I go to has published two of my poems in their creative writing journal, the Wordeater. I had originally submitted three but they decided not to publish the one poem I considered my best. I suppose my bitter, angry, and sad poems are more in style than my poem with hope. Anyway if you would like to read them here they are (Pilgrim's Journey was the one they didn't publish):

Break Up

Awful words you said
Each embedded upon my psyche
Seared upon my soul
Sacrificed to the wind of your whim
You left me alone
Careless in your disregard of my heart
You drenched the flame of my love
In your sea of spite
Upon the altar of self interest
You tore open my spirit
Dashed it onto the sharp edge of your selfishness
You have impaled me with
The cruelty of your contempt
I lie broken within the realm of
Your mean-spirited malice
Awaiting a new love
To break me again

Pilgrim's Journey

A cold wind blows across my face
A tear runs down my cheek
This cup's been bitter hard
But there's a whole lot more to drink

The path goes forever on
Away into the dusk
To hard to stagger on
Yet trod along I must

Heavy is my burden
Crushing heart and soul
Loneliness surrounds me
Empty, dark, and cold

Yet hope begins to kindle
I know this road's end
In the matter of a lifetime
Is just around the bend

That Silence of Night

That silence of night
Engulfs me
Deafens me
Terrifies me
Persecutes me
That bitter silence of night

That silence of night
Swaddles me
Quiets me
Soothes me
Comforts me
That sweet silence of night

I hope you liked them. For some reason I can't get the title to Pilgrim's Journey to behave and stay the correct size so it's a bit bigger than it should be. These poems are copyrighted by me and may not be used without permission.